Still Frame Moment

As a young child I remember always wanting to be an adult. As an adult, I tend to find myself looking beyond the moment into the future, never satisfied with where I am at. When my first child was born we were always excited for the next new exciting stage of development. When she could sit, we wanted her to crawl, when she could crawl we wanted her to stand. I am always hurrying everybody, and everything in my life; At least that is, until this past week.

This week my oldest child turned 10. Unlike some, I have never had difficulty with acknowledging my own birthdays. I love Birthdays, they are a celebration of who we are, where we have come from and where we are headed, but this, my child's 10th birthday made me really melancholy. It was the sudden realization that my baby, is growing up. Maybe it was the fact that she was a double digit. I don't know for sure, but I kept thinking of all the things that can be accomplished in 10 years. You could have earned a doctorate, you would be more than 3/4 of the way through pre college schooling, you could be decorated for years of service at your job. 10 years is a great amount of time, and yet in that moment, the date of her birth 10 years earlier flashed to mind. I was flooded with emotion, a sense of loss. How could so much time have passed so quickly? I mourned in that moment the loss of the little girl days when I did everything for her. The days of cutely decorated ponytails, and frilly clothes. The days of funny sayings and lizard catching.

My feeling of loss was quickly replaced with the realization of the wonderful human being that sat at the table unwrapping her presents. Her genuine appreciation for the gift picked out special for her from her brother. Her excitement at receiving clothes (something her 5 year old brother would tell her no 5 year old kid wants as a present). In these past ten years much has happened, some were milestones, others went by without hardly noticing, how we arrived at this point is almost baffling. Did I rush every thing by so quickly that I missed all of the little important things that brought us here? Did I luck out and just happen to get a great kid, or did play some part in who she is today? I would like to think I had something to do with her being so smart, funny, genuine, and caring. At any rate, the years passed by too quickly.

As I stood watching my little girl help her brother pick out a webkinz (it wasn't fair that she should get one even if it was her birthday,when his virtual account had expired)still wishing they could hurry up and make a decision just a little faster. It was after all, a school night and we needed to get home and ready for bed. It was then that I had what I am calling a still frame moment. Here I was feeling sorry for myself for having a ten year old daughter, and I was at it again, trying to hurry it all up, not taking the time to be in the moment, acknowledging what had taken place in the past, and brought us to this point. It was only when we got home that night, tucking the kids in bed, Parks arms around my neck as she whispered in my ear, "this is my best birthday ever! Thank you mom and dad" I realized, embrace the moment, cherish it, live in the moment. Our tomorrows will have their time, and yesterdays have their place too,for now I just want to enjoy this moment, capture it in a still frame.